My five-year experience as a mother has been a transformative journey, deeply influenced by my own upbringing in Kosovo’s traditional culture. In Kosovo, like in many places, there’s a strong belief that children should behave a certain way, and it’s common for parents to use yelling or spanking to discipline. Growing up in this culture, I initially thought it was normal to use these methods. I even delayed becoming a parent for four years because I knew I wasn’t ready to embrace a different, more patient approach to parenting.
When I finally stepped into motherhood, I was determined to learn and grow. This path led me to authors like Daniel Siegel, Tina Bryson, Alfie Kohn, and Gabor Mate, who introduced me to the world of positive parenting. This was a significant shift from my cultural norms. Siegel and Bryson’s insights on nurturing and understanding, Kohn’s perspective on parenting without rewards or punishments, and Mate’s reflections on how our childhood shapes us, all played a crucial role in reshaping my parenting style.
Applying these new concepts wasn’t easy. There were times when the cultural norms I grew up with clashed with what I was learning. But over time, I realized the importance of creating an environment of empathy, respect, and understanding for my child. I learned to communicate without yelling, to discipline without spanking, and to recognize my child’s emotions, including anger and sadness, as valid and important.
This journey wasn’t just about changing how I parented; it was about changing myself. I discovered depths of patience and empathy within me that I didn’t know existed. I became more aware of my own emotions and how they influenced my actions. This self-discovery was a crucial part of becoming the parent I wanted to be.
To other parents, especially those coming from cultures with strict parenting norms, I want to say: It’s okay to choose a different path. Embracing positive parenting doesn’t just benefit your child; it transforms you in beautiful ways. You learn more about yourself, grow in patience and understanding, and build a stronger, more loving relationship with your child.
The journey of parenthood is not just about raising a child; it’s about growing as a person. It’s about breaking cycles, challenging norms, and creating a new, nurturing environment for our children. It’s a path of continuous learning and adaptation, and it’s one of the most rewarding experiences life has to offer.
Majlinda Bytyqi
Mother of one,
https://www.instagram.com/majlindabytyci
